Who I Am
by static-harmony
Summary: Sasuke turned to Sakura with pain in his eyes, "Don't waste your chance while you have it. You didn't screw up like I did." KakaSaku, SasuNaru.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nope not a thing. Though I wish I could actually see Naruto and Sasuke molesting each other. Cause that's what would happen if I DID own Naruto. XD Oh and I also don't own the song used. Relient K does. =D**

**For AlinaLotus. Even though she'll hate it. o_O **

**-o-o-o-  
**

_I watched the proverbial sunrise__  
__Coming up over the Pacific and__  
__You might think I'm losing my mind,__  
__But I will shy away from the specifics..._

_'cause I don't want you to know where I am__  
__'cause then you'll see my heart__  
__In the saddest state it's ever been._

_This is no place to try and live my life._

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.__  
__See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.__  
__Stop right there. Well I never should have said__  
__That it's the very moment that__  
__I wish that I could take back._

_I'm sorry for the person I became.__  
__I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.__  
__I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again__  
__'cause who I am hates who I've been.__  
__Who I am hates who I've been._

_I talk to absolutely no one.__  
__Couldn't keep to myself enough.__  
__And the things bottled inside have finally begun__  
__To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up._

_I heard the reverberating footsteps__  
__Synching up to the beating of my heart,__  
__And I was positive that unless I got myself together,__  
__I would watch me fall apart._

_And I can't let that happen again__  
__'cause then you'll see my heart__  
__In the saddest state it's ever been._

_This is no place to try and live my life._

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.__  
__See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.__  
__Stop right there. Well I never should have said__  
__That it's the very moment that__  
__I wish that I could take back._

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.__  
__See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.__  
__Stop right there. Well I never should have said__  
__That it's the very moment that__  
__I wish that I could take back._

_I'm sorry for the person I became.__  
__I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.__  
__I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again__  
__'cause who I am hates who I've been.__  
__Who I am hates who I've been._

_Who I am hates who I've been__  
__And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.__  
__Who I am hates who I've been__  
__'cause who I've been only ever made me..._

_So sorry for the person I became.__  
__So sorry that it took so long for me to change.__  
__I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again__  
__'cause who I am hates who I've been.__  
__Who I am hates who I've been._

**-o-o-**

"This isn't healthy Sakura." Naruto said matter-of-factly.

"What isn't?" Sakura said tending to random patients in the clinic as Naruto followed her around.

"Your obsession to prove yourself." Naruto said crossing his arms across his chest.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Sakura said before walking away from his as fast as possible.

**-o-o-**

Sakura walked down the streets of Konoha towards her house while contemplating what Naruto had said to her. Her obsession to prove herself probably wasn't very healthy, but Sakura hated herself for how she used to be.

Back when Team Seven was first formed, she was weak and relied on Sasuke or Kakashi or even Naruto to protect her when things got bad. She never fought for herself.

The fight in the Forest of Death during the Chuunin exams helped her realize she had to be strong on her own, but she did nothing to fix that.

Until Tsunade had become Hokage and Sakura had become her pupil to learn chakra control as well as medic-nin training.

Sakura knew she was a hundred times stronger than she used to be, but it still wasn't even. Sometimes she wondered if it would ever be enough.

There are so many things in Sakura's past she wishes she could take back, her pathetic crush on Sasuke being one of them. But after Team Kakashi, consisting of herself, Naruto, Sai and Kakashi; sometimes Yamato when Kakashi was away on other missions or in the hospital, managed to get Sasuke back to Konoha, Sakura pretty much closed herself off.

Naruto was the only person able to read her like a book; honestly she thinks he's the only person who's ever tried. Sakura is very good at hiding her emotions.

The only thing about Sakura thinks that Naruto doesn't know, is her fascination with their sensei. Well, she doesn't think it's a fascination, more like an addiction if anything. That's right, Sakura Haruno is head over heels in love with Kakashi Hatake.

Sometimes she wishes she was like Sai and trained to get rid of her emotions, or like Sasuke who still to this day manages to look apathetic, but she can't lie to herself, no matter how many times over she curses herself for this.

Because if there's one thing Sakura knows, it's that Kakashi-sensei will never love her back.

**-o-o-**

"I hate him." Sakura said matter-of-factly.

"No you don't" Sasuke replied.

Ever sense Sasuke had came back to the village, him and Sakura had bonded over their mutual unrequited loves. Sakura's being Kakashi-sensei, and Sasuke's being the one and only dobe-like nine-tailed fox demon, Naruto Uzumaki.

"Yes I do" Sakura said while picking flowers in the field they were walking through.

"No you don't. I know you don't. You know how many times I have wished it was that easy? How many times I wish I could just say that I didn't love Naruto and that be it? If it were that easy we'd both be in a lot less pain." Sasuke said putting his hands in the pocket of his shorts.

"I know. I think that's what hurts the most. Knowing that I should hate him with a passion for making me love him. And yet I can't bring myself to." Sakura said stopping to pick another wild flower.

"Believe me, I know how you feel." Sasuke said staring up to the sky.

Sakura looked at him and sighed. She had wished countless times that her and Sasuke didn't have to go through the pain of being in love with two men who are just too clueless to realize it. Sasuke always says that Sakura has a better chase of 'happily ever after' because Kakashi isn't as dumb as he looks. And that Naruto will never return his feelings because of his need to be the best.

Naruto, Sakura, Sai and Kakashi had brought Sasuke back after his fight with Itachi, they had gotten to him first and brought him back and Sakura and Tsunade had fought endlessly to keep the boy alive.

Tsunade decided to hold a conference where it was decided that sense the only people Sasuke had ever killed had been missing-nin and wanted criminals, that he'd be allowed to rejoin the village and become a ninja again.

He had done everything they'd asked without a fight, and when asked by the elders, Tsunade and Kakashi why he was so willing to agree, he'd simply reply "I'd always meant to come back after Itachi was dead. I needed to."

Shortly after, Sakura and Sasuke had bonded after Sasuke had confessed that he was always planning to return, for Naruto. Sakura understood completely and held no hard feelings, so when she had told Sasuke her feelings for Kakashi, they had agreed to suffer together, it didn't quell the pain, but it made it a bit more bearable.

Sasuke laid down in the grass and stared at the sky.

"You look like Shikamaru right now." Sakura said with a smile.

"Well I know why he does it. It helps clear your head." Sasuke replied before closing his eyes.

Sakura laid down next to him and stared at the sky, feeling her anxiety and sorrow fade just a bit with each passing cloud.

Sasuke sighed before lifting his arms up to pretend to grasp a cloud.

"It's not fair." Sasuke whispered.

"I know." Sakura replied.

**-o-o-**

"I hate myself." Sasuke said one day walking onto the training field ten minutes before Naruto would even be there.

"Why?" Sakura said sitting on the ground fixing her shoes.

"Because of the way I've acted in the past. Don't you ever hate yourself now for the person you used to be?" Sasuke replied sitting down next to her.

"Yes, all the time. Sometimes I think that if I hadn't of dwelled on so many things in the past that I'd of turned out better." Sakura said.

"Sometimes I wish I'd never left. That if I hadn't then I could have confessed my feelings to Naruto and he'd be with me now." Sasuke said putting his face down.

"You could still be together. You should just tell him." Sakura said.

"I can't." Sasuke whispered.

"Naruto thinks I'm trying to prove myself." Sakura said after a minute of silence.

Sasuke just looked at her.

"I'm not. I'm trying to get better in hopes that Kakashi will glance in my direction and realize I'm not a child anymore. That I'm a strong kunoichi and that I could be with him." Sakura said standing up and brushing herself off.

"You should tell him that." Sasuke replied standing too.

"I'll tell Kakashi that when you tell Naruto your feelings." Sakura said.

Sasuke smirked and nodded before staring towards the other end of the field where said blonde shinobi was currently walking towards them.

"Sakura! Sasuke!" Naruto said waving and running towards them.

Sasuke smiled softly in Naruto's direction before turning to look at Sakura with pain in his eyes, "It can never be. Don't waste your chance while you have it. You didn't screw up like I did."

Sakura nodded to Sasuke before turning and greeting Naruto while they all sat and waited for Sai and Kakashi-sensei to get there.

**-o-o-**

Sakura laid in bed that night thinking of everything Sasuke and her had talked about.

'Is this right? I mean, I understand Sasuke's point. He did screw up badly when he left the village, and sadly I doubt Naruto will ever trust him the same again. But maybe there's a chance for me.' Sakura thought.

Sakura then bolted out of bed and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen and writing:

_**"Who I am hates who I've been. **_

_**I'm trying to change myself, and sadly, I do no believe you've noticed yet.  
I used to be this stupid, selfish, impatient, silly girl. And now I'm trying to fix that.**_

_**I love you. In a mad, stupid, insane way that makes me hate everything I used to be.****  
I'm trying to be a better person, for you. And yet, you don't even give me a second glance.  
So now I'm going to send you this letter, and hope you figure this out."**_

Sakura read over her letter a few times before making a copy to show Sasuke. She folded the copy and shoved it in the pocket of her skirt for tomorrow while taking the other one and folding it before putting it in an envelope and sealing it.

Sakura then threw the nearest pair of shoes on and jumped out her window before making a dash to Kakashi's house.

His house wasn't far from hers, and it was late so hopefully she could slip it under his door and make it home before he realized it was there.

Sakura reached Kakashi's house and panted until she regained even breathing, she walked up to his door and slid the letter underneath before making another mad dash back to her house.

When she slipped into her open window, she shut and locked it before slipping her shoes off and climbing into bed.

-o-o-

The next day, Sakura got dressed and left her apartment before starting the long walk to the Uchiha compound so she could show Sasuke the letter.

While walking down the path that led right to the Uchiha compound, Sakura ran into Naruto.

"Naruto?" Sakura said, "What are you doing here?"

"Um...I-er... nothing?" Naruto stuttered out.

"Naruto." Sakura said placing her hands on her hips.

"Sakura, drop it. You wouldn't understand." Naruto said before walking back towards town.

"You love him." Sakura said.

Naruto stopped and Sakura saw his shoulders tense.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Naruto said before walking away.

Sakura sighed and turned around walking towards the Uchiha compound once again.

When Sakura reached Sasuke's house, she knocked on the door once before walking inside and sliding off her shoes.

"Sasuke!" Sakura yelled before walking towards the kitchen.

"Hey Sakura." Sasuke said as he walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Hey." Sakura said as she began to start making breakfast for the two of them.

"Oh. I have something to tell you." Sakura said pouring rice into the steamer.

"Yes?" Sasuke said raising his eyebrow.

"I ran into Naruto on the way here. He was standing on the path facing this direction but looked to be a bit stuck. I asked him what he was doing and he said nothing, but when I asked if he loved you he tensed and practically ignored it." Sakura said.

Sasuke sighed and started drawing circles on the table with his finger.

"That doesn't mean anything." He said after a few moments.

"Fine, but maybe this will. This is a copy of the letter I shoved under Kakashi-sensei's door last night." Sakura said pulling out the letter and unfolding it before sitting it in front of him.

After he read it over, Sasuke smiled and said "Good for you Sakura."

"Now you have to tell Naruto. That was the deal." Sakura said before pouring them each a bowl of rice.

"No it wasn't. The deal was that you would tell Kakashi when I told Naruto." Sasuke said before picking up his chopsticks.

"Same difference, you can't get out of this. I took initiative, so will you." Sakura said.

Sasuke knew there was no winning this argument and gave up, he'd just have to find a way to tell Naruto without getting killed.

-o-o-

A few days passed and Sasuke hadn't done anything to show his feelings for Naruto. But that wasn't the only thing that pissed Sakura off, she still hadn't heard anything from Kakashi-sensei sense she had shoved the note under his door.

She was starting to think he didn't care, not that that surprised her at all.

Sakura stood in their usual training field practicing her punches on a large tree when she sensed someone come up behind her.

Sakura continued pouring out her frustration into the tree because she instantly knew who had come up behind her.

Kakashi moved around to face Sakura and leaned against the tree she was currently pummeling.

"What do you want?" Sakura said as she continued to punch the tree, being careful not to hit him, even though she really wanted to.

"I have noticed." Kakashi said.

Sakura looked shocked for a moment before regaining her former stance and glaring at him, because she could just see the smug smile on his face and she wanted to wipe it off of there.

"Right." Sakura said.

"I have." Kakashi said grabbing a hold of her right wrist.

Sakura ripped her hand out of his grip and moved to punch him with all her might.

He easily dodged it, as she knew he would, before spinning around and pinning her to the tree she had just been mercilessly beating.

"Again, what do you want." Sakura said sounding defeated.

Kakashi didn't answer; he just gazed down at her with his right eye and stared.

Sakura wiggled slightly under his gaze and at a feeble attempt to release herself, but it didn't work.

"Sasuke came to see me." Kakashi said.

Sakura gaped at him.

"Just listen. Sasuke came to see me, but I had already figured out the note was from you. You didn't mask your chakra on it. I was trying to figure out how to proceed, he gave me a few ideas, but none were right. So I just decided to wing it." Kakashi said.

"Wing it?" Sakura said raising her eyebrow slightly.

"Yes" Kakashi said before placing a kiss on her forehead.

Sakura closed her eyes at the feeling before leaning in closer to him.

No words were needed, Sakura knew that in this instant she had been wrong, even if he didn't love her, he felt something for her in order to spend so much time thinking of a solution, so for now, even if he could never grow to love her, she'd let herself fall again.

Kakashi reached down and lifted her chin, before pulling down his mask and placing a small sweet kiss to her lips.

Sakura let the tears that had been forming in her eyes fall as she wrapped her slender arms around her sensei. There was no passion, no heat, no lust in their kiss, it was sweet and pure and perfect and she felt no need to rush.

Kakashi pulled away and pulled his mask back up before kissing her forehead once more, "Let's just see where this goes."

Sakura nodded and allowed him to wipe her face before he grabbed her hand and started walking.

"Where are we going?" Sakura said.

"To find Naruto." Kakashi replied.

-o-o-

Kakashi and Sakura walked hand-in-hand towards Ichiraku looking for Naruto.

On the way there they passed Sasuke, who smiled at them before walking up to them, "Congratulations".

Sasuke tried to hide the smirk, but it graced his features anyways.

"I know I should be mad at you, but I'm not." Sakura said before hugging Sasuke.

"You should come with us." Kakashi said with a twinkle in his eye before pulling Sakura along.

"Where?" Sasuke said before following.

Kakashi gave Sakura a stern look that said 'Don't say anything', so Sakura kept her mouth shut and just plead with her eyes to Sasuke to follow.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow before continuing to follow.

The trio finally made it to Ichiraku's, where they found Naruto sitting eating what looked like his third bowl of ramen.

Sasuke saw Naruto and instantly stopped. Sakura turned around and saw the pain that filled his eyes.

"I can't." Sasuke whispered.

"You won't have to." Kakashi said before placing a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"He deserves to know." Sakura said.

Sasuke looked at her and she could see the tears that were forming in his eyes.

Kakashi smiled at Sakura before pulling her with him into Ichiraku's. Sasuke sighed deeply and followed while placing his hands deep in his pockets.

Naruto continued shoveling food into his mouth until he felt a presence behind him and turned around, a stray noodle still hanging from his mouth.

Sasuke smiled at him and hid behind Sakura.

"Kakashi-sensei! Sakura! Sasuke! What're you guys doing here?" Naruto said.

Kakashi was about to answer, but then Naruto saw their clasped hands and gaped.

"Finally!" Naruto said throwing his hands up.

All three of them stared at him and waited for him to explain.

"Well I could feel the tension between you two for a while. I was hoping you guys would get together, congrads!" Naruto said before looking at Sasuke, who was staring at the ground.

"Naruto, we all came here to tell you something, that Sakura and myself at least believe you should know." Kakashi said.

Naruto continued to stare at Sasuke.

"Sasuke loves you." Sakura blurted out.

Kakashi looked down at her and she looked sheepish before mumbling a 'sorry'.

"What she means is" Kakashi said, "Sasuke loves you and is too afraid to tell you because of how much he screwed up in the past. Right Sasuke?"

Kakashi looked at Sasuke who continued to stare at the ground with his hands deep in his pockets.

Sasuke nodded slightly before sneaking a glance up at Naruto.

Naruto just sat there, noodle hanging from mouth, staring.

Sasuke blinked a few times to keep the tears at bay before turning around saying, "Thanks Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, for trying, but I get it. He doesn't feel the same, probably never will."

Sasuke walked out of Ichiraku's before sprinting as fast as he could in the direction of the training field.

Sakura moved to follow him but Kakashi stopped her, "No Sakura, this is Naruto and Sasuke's problem now. It's best we leave them to it."

Kakashi walked over and clasped a hand on Naruto's back before pulling the noodle off of his face and sitting it on the counter, then nodding to the blonde shinobi and grabbing Sakura's hand once more.

Naruto still sat their shell-shocked.

Sakura glanced back at Naruto and was instantly filled with sorrow. Why should she get her happy ending when Sasuke couldn't? Sasuke was right, her unrequited love, that was no longer unrequited, had hope, whereas Sasuke's didn't.

-o-o-

Kakashi had brought Sakura back to his house and led her into the living room before pulling her down on him and cuddling her to his chest.

"I can't believe Naruto didn't say anything. I feel so bad for Sasuke." Sakura said on the verge of tears.

"Don't worry about them, they'll be fine. I have a feeling that Naruto will do the right thing." Kakashi said before pulling down his mask and rubbing his face into her hair, it smelled like mangoes.

"I love you." Sakura said.

"I know." Kakashi replied before twisting her slightly and kissing her.

Sakura melted into his arms and knew that from now on, there was no turning back from this, no matter how hard he pushed her away, she'd always be his. Because who she was now, was a thousand times better than who she used to be.

-o-o-

Sasuke made it to the training field without running into anyone, he walked to the middle of the field and laid down closing his eyes.

Sasuke let a few tears leak out of his eyes before he hastily wiped them away. He had told Sakura countless times that Naruto would never return his affection and he was right, he screwed up royally. Naruto probably still believed Sasuke was the stupid 'avenger' that he had been in his past.

He had no idea. Sasuke had changed dramatically sense then, he actually enjoyed life now and loved things, people, including Naruto. Yet at the same time, he still felt like that small child that still cried at night when the nightmares plagued him, nightmares about his parents' death, about Naruto dying. Everything had changed, yet at the same time, nothing had.

Sasuke would always be the person that people relied on for strength, but not for emotions, he screwed up so bad when he left Konoha, and now it was too late. Kakashi and Sakura had told Naruto his feelings, not that he was mad at them, they only did what he was too scared to do, but now, nothing would ever be the same on their team.

"Nothing." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke"

Sasuke looked up from his place on the ground, not that he needed to, he'd know that voice anywhere.

"Naruto" Sasuke said before leaning back on the ground and staring at the clouds.

"Is it true?" Naruto said, sitting down next to Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't respond, he just continued to stare at the sky.

"Sasuke?" Naruto said.

"Yes" Sasuke replied.

"Why?" Naruto said.

"I have no idea"

Silence encased the two after that, and they just stayed there, Sasuke staring at the clouds and Naruto sitting next to him hugging his knees.

"The sad thing is, despite the fact I have no real reason why I love you. I have a thousand other reasons, but none are good enough. But I know that I will love you until the sun burns out and the moon stops glowing." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke" Naruto whispered.

Sasuke didn't say anything, he didn't think he could handle rejection twice in one day.

Naruto laid down next to Sasuke and faced the black haired ninja before curling himself around Sasuke.

Sasuke sighed softly and snaked his hand around Naruto's shoulders and entangled their feet.

"I love you" Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear, "And I don't have a reason either."

Sasuke could tell that Naruto was close to tears, so he moved slightly and ran his fingers over Naruto's cheek.

"Dobe." Sasuke said with a smile before leaning down and capturing Naruto's lips in his own.

Naruto leaned into the kiss slightly, not wanting to push things.

And they just laid their, intertwined together, lips attached, because they didn't need force, or sex. They had each other, and just staying there, entangled in each others limbs, kissing, was enough.

**-o-o-o-**

**END**


End file.
